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Archive for July, 2011

Issue 4

Right then. Rising like a phoenix from the ashes of a smouldering WordPress site, may we present The Relaunch.  As you can see from our free gift covermount and special promotional plastic covering, we have a massive marketing budget behind this. You may have noticed our advertising campaign on mainstream primetime television and our giant billboards around the country. What? You haven’t? Must be because you don’t watch enough telly or go out ever.

Kicking off the new site with new rules and new words is the new editor. She would welcome lots and lots of lovely submissions for the next issues, so get those pens and paper ready. Anyway, here’s this week’s contribution…

Worst Word – by Sarah-Clare Conlon

My present professional undertaking is in the public sector. This is my first non-private sector position ‑ prior to this, I was a hardnosed hack grafting through the night to bring you the top stories of the day (columns on the latest eyeshadow colour palettes and how-to-dress-like-Sarah Jessica Parker-because-you-can’t-think-for-yourself articles).

But I have worked in the public sector for getting on two-and-a-half years now and I am still finding the lingo something of a stumbling block. To this day, I don’t understand most of the emails I receive or any of the meetings I go to. All conversations are littered with acronyms and abbreviations; all communications are written in the most convoluted of language. To keep myself awake in “open doors”, “learning seminars” and “vision workshops”, I keep a list of all the ridiculous jargon that gets spouted, from “empowering” and “esoteric” to “scoped”, “populated” and “migrated”. There are “champions” and “trailblazers”, “fulfilment facilities” and “preference centres”. Colleagues also keep referring to “the matrix”, but I have yet to discover where the weird pod things are and I still haven’t bumped into that bloke from CSI.

Anyways, our organisation is currently in a “transitional period” and we are undergoing a “skill-sharing plan” so we can still function with a recession-depleted workforce. The word I’d like to “bring to the table” is related to this knowledge-pooling strategy (I made that one up. Hence the lack of quotemarks). The word is “cascade”. See, fool that I am, I thought a cascade was a pretty, tinkling waterfall overhung with ferns and tree boughs, sparkling in the sunlight, the environs smelling of wood anemones, wild ramsons and cow shit. Wrong! Nope, turns out it’s a fancypants name for the people at the top telling stuff to folk lower down the food chain. I’ll never be able to take a leisurely stroll in the countryside again without thinking of information cross-fertilisation and stakeholder engagement. Ugh.

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Please ignore the last post. We Hate Words is not dead. Benjamin has relinquished the editorship, but fear not, yours truly has taken over.

I will get Issue 4 up soon. The rules will change. I need to think up the new rules.

I think the first rule is that we will publish on a Wednesday. It begins with W, just like We Hate Words. And in fact We and in fact Words. Wednesday is also the traditional day of skive, so it seems appropriate to provide you with some reading material for that long afternoon in the pod.

Back soon. Promise.

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And…

There will now be a twenty-thousand year break. You people just don’t hate words enough.

Ta-ra!

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Intermissionalude

Hello. We will be taking a two week break now. Keep sending in those submissions.

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