We’ll let you into a little secret. We Hate Words don’t really hate words. We love them very much indeed. We also don’t hate people. Bear this in mind when you send us your ideas. The following guidelines may be useful.
- Don’t pick on people. Play fair, and nothing personal please.
- Don’t send us stuff that doesn’t concentrate on words. We’re not after an essay on why you hate Muriel Spark’s hair or dress sense (both of which were impeccable anyway).
- Don’t think you have to be mean about a writer. You could write a piece about how you love Martin Amis except for one book.
- Don’t think you have to blame the writer for not liking their words. Ben has never been able to make friends with Beryl Bainbridge’s writing, but he’s pretty sure that it is him, and not her. Clare has an irrational fear of Thomas Hardy, so yeah, tell us about your hang-ups about a writer who you feel you ought to love.
- Don’t write about writers who are not big names. We are not interested in trying to smash fledgling careers. We want to poke fun at legends. People who can take it.
- Don’t forget that funny is always better than angry. Make us laugh.
- Don’t make threatening or bullying comments. You will be barred.
- A new one. Don’t get upset if we make tweaks to your contributions. We are editors; we can’t help ourselves sometimes. In the words of Barbra Streisand: “It’s a right I defend… over and over again.” (That’s in the chorus to Woman In Love, if you couldn’t place it. We wouldn’t want you to not sleep at night, lying in the dark, wondering.)
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